The Ring

I got married with “the Ring” countless times as a child. Played dress up, wore my grandmother’s wigs, put on shows, and dance recitals in the living room of the house on Paradise Way. All with that pretty, art deco piece of silver sparkle on my finger.

When I was a little girl, my grandparents had a 1965 Chrysler Imperial. It had been my great-grandmother’s car, and the story was, they got it for her so if she came up against other than a Sherman tank, she’d win. After she passed, my grandparents kept the car and my grandfather babied it until we lost him in 1986.

I adored my grandfather. And, as I was prone to do, I followed him around a lot trying to help with chores. Of course, there was an ulterior motive. I helped so he’d finish faster and take Alexandra and me swimming at the neighbor’s pool, or even better, at the country club where there was a diving board.

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Lakewood Country Club, St. Petersburg, Florida 1972 with Alex

One afternoon found me in the back seat of the Imperial “helping” to clean the car, but really, I was digging around for loose change and stray packs of my grandmother’s beloved cinnamon chewing gum. The back seat was a bench seat, and it was basically the size of our current sofa. I have many memories of lying down in that back seat on the way home from Christmas Eves at the Patterson’s. My grandparents would challenge me to look for Rudolph’s blinking nose in the night sky while we drove home. In my little girl mind, it was a magic place, and that afternoon, helping to clean my grandfather’s land yacht of a car, it yielded some treasure for an inquisitive child.

The door armrests in older cars used to flip up, and they would have a storage compartment for things like, maps, tissues, cinnamon chewing gum, etc… I can remember the moment, so clearly, of flipping open the armrest compartment on the right rear door of the Imperial and finding, “the Ring.” It was silver and sparkly and small. I mean, even as a child the ring wasn’t huge on me. I showed it to my grandfather, and asked if I could have it. I mean, it was small, right? Obviously it was meant to be mine. He didn’t recognize it, and told me to go ask my grandmother. She took one look at it and said, “I think it was a piece of my mother’s costume jewelry.” And with that airy dismissal, it became mine.

I got married with “the Ring” countless times as a child. Played dress up, wore my grandmother’s wigs, put on shows, and dance recitals in the living room of the house on Paradise Way. All with the pretty, art deco piece of silver sparkle on my finger. Then I became a tween, and yellow and rose gold were all the rage (What? it was the 80’s), the ring got thrown into my dressing table drawer, and was forgotten for a few years. Finally, developing my own sense of style in my later teens, I began to favor silver and rescued it from the back of the drawer.

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So, now it’s 1987 and my Mom and I are at a Florida Press Association conference in Pensacola. We wandered into a jewelry store and the jeweler asked if he could take a look at my unusual ring. So, I hand it over, and the jeweler gives me a stern look and says, “I hope you have this insured young lady.” I was like “Why? It’s just silver and paste!” and he responds, “No, it’s platinum and diamonds.” This ring, I so casually played dress up with, flung into a drawer, and never really gave a thought to it’s whereabouts was so much more than a piece of costume jewelry. I did have it valued in 1990, and well, I was gob smacked. I became more careful with it.

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Pensacola 1987

But not as careful as I should have been… Remember how I mentioned it was small? By the time I was an adult, the only finger the ring would fit on was my pinkie finger of my left hand. One night my ex-husband Aaron and I were at a murder mystery dinner party (remember those?), and the dining room had gotten hot, so our hosts opened some windows. It cooled off and eventually it was cool enough, that the ring was slipping off my pinkie finger. I moved it over to my ring finger so it wouldn’t fall off. Then I proceeded to get very tipsy. Needless to say, I forgot to take it off when we got home, and I woke up the next morning with very swollen fingers (I blame the alcohol) and couldn’t get it off. We tried everything. Hand in ice water, olive oil, dish soap. Anything we could think of. Nothing worked, so we headed to the ER and I had the ring cut off my finger. It was that thick, that they had to cut it in two places to get it off. Anyway, we had it repaired and I continued to wear and love it.

Fast forward to February 2017. I’m on a plane coming home from a conference in Las Vegas. Like most people, airplanes dehydrate me, so I slipped the ring and my watch off, and placed them in my lap while I put on some moisturizer. I changed planes in Nashville, and went on to repeat the same routine, but found the ring wasn’t on my finger. I turned everything upside down looking for it, and it was nowhere. Just gone. Panicked, I texted Rob and asked him to get in touch with Southwest in Nashville to see if they could get onto my previous plane to look for it. They did, but it never turned up.

The only thing I can think of, is that I never put it back on during the Las Vegas-Nashville leg. I put my watch on, but I must have left the ring in my lap. You know what I’m like, there are no strangers, so I was talking to the two people next to me throughout the flight, and my ADHD had my mind focused elsewhere.

I know it’s just a thing, but it was an important “thing” to me. The memories I have tied to “the Ring,” are some of my favorites, and I’d be mourning its loss even if it were just silver and paste. I just hope that someone found it, and has started their own story with it. Maybe it’s helped them financially at a time when they needed it. That scenario I could live with. What I can’t take is the thought that it might have been vacuumed up and is sitting in a garbage tip somewhere.

I’ve cried my way through writing this. I played with that ring on my finger constantly. I would always rub my thumb over it when I was thinking. I lost my Mom and my grandparents years ago. With the loss of the ring, I feel a little of that ache all over again because my memories of them are tied to it. For a long time I always made sure that our house insurance had a copy of the valuation on the schedule of our contents. When we moved in 2014, I knew I needed to update it and kept putting it off. I never did get the valuation to the insurance company, but it doesn’t matter. Money won’t bring “the Ring” back to me.

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WTF? This isn’t funny.

The President of the United States has lied to the American public so often, that the White House press secretary made a joke about it, and reporters in the room laughed along with him.

Yesterday, The Washington Post’s, Philip Bump wrote about a “typical” 3 hours in the Trump administration. From threats to reporters by DJT’s “security” (remember that guy who punched a protester in the face? Yeah, that guy) to Spicer making a joke about Trump’s past lies, the things which occurred yesterday, would have all been lead stories in past administrations. Today’s WTF? is how incidents like these have become so commonplace that they only qualify as a footnote in the day’s news.

Bump wrote:

Asked about the jobs numbers released Friday and Trump’s past insistence that unemployment data was misleading or phony, Spicer cracked a joke:
“I talked to the president prior to this, and he said to quote him very clearly, ‘They may have been phony in the past, but it’s very real now,'” Spicer said. (Reuters)

REPORTER: In the past the president has referred to particular job reports as phony or totally fiction. Does the president believe that this jobs report was accurate and a fair way to measure the economy?

SPICER: Yeah. I talked to the president prior to this and he said to quote him very clearly: “They may have been phony in the past but it’s very real now.”

Spicer and reporters in the room laughed.

Trump regularly disparaged official government data during the campaign, but it wasn’t hard to see that his attitudes would change once he entered office. Considering only those economic metrics Trump focused on during the campaign, the economy is in as bad shape as it was under Obama.

Spicer and reporters in the room laughed. The President of the United States has lied to the American public so often, that the White House press secretary made a joke about it, and reporters in the room laughed along with him. We did not go from “28, 29, as high as 35. In fact, I even heard recently 42 percent,” as Trump told his supporters last February to the 4.7% which was reported this week by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Their metrics haven’t changed, just Trump’s opinion of the information. He constantly smeared the BLS and President Obama throughout his campaign stating the low unemployment rates were fiction, but now that he’s president, suddenly the reporting is accurate? Trump supporters are okay with this lying and lunacy? This isn’t funny. It’s terrifying.

Overwhelmed

The sheer volume of WTF moments is so overwhelming, that I’ve almost reached the stage where I’m numb. However, I think that is part of the evil genius of Steve Bannon. Throw so much shrapnel that we miss the bullets (or bombs) because we’re focused on the other flying debris:

A while back, I decided that I would intermittently post about some of the lunacy in and around DJT’s administration. I thought I’d be able to pick a topic, really wrap my mind around it, and peacefully dissent. I’m almost yearning for those days in December and early January when the incoming Trump administration wasn’t so off the rails that I could focus on one subject.

The sheer volume of WTF moments is so overwhelming, that I’ve almost reached the stage where I’m numb. However, I think that is part of the evil genius of Steve Bannon. Throw so much shrapnel that we miss the bullets (or bombs) because we’re focused on the other flying debris: DeVos and Perry being completely unqualified for their positions; KAC’s publicly endorsing Ivanka’s products with the f***ing PRESIDENTIAL SEAL right behind her head; Steve Miller with his nearly “heil Trump” appearances on the Sunday morning shows; ridiculous debates about a wall which will never be built (or paid for by Mexico); assertions that there was massive voter election fraud for which there is absolutely no proof; Insulting the Prime Minister of Australia, arguably our staunchest ally, by hanging up on him; Continuing to lie about something which has been said, documented and refuted; Those poorly composed, typo ridden, misspelled daily tweets by our commander in chief, who appears to be under the delusion that he still has to campaign constantly by appealing to his base with frequently inflammatory and often incorrect information; The deflect and divert strategy employed by all of the White House surrogates. This is all shrapnel. Painful, dangerous, and definitely not good for our country, but still not as devastating as the bullets and bombs heading our way.

Here come the bullets, the things which have the potential to rip our country apart. The firing of Acting Attorney General Sally Yates. Someone who warned White House counsel that Mike Flynn was at risk of being blackmailed by the Russians; Current Attorney General Sessions refusing to recuse himself because of his obvious conflicts of interests with his current post, and any possible investigations into the Trump campaign; congress not immediately making the investigations into Flynn and the Trump campaign’s connection to the Russian’s independent; Comey… Seriously, Comey? How can we have any confidence in this man not being political within the scope an FBI investigation?

This week there was a Russian ship sitting 30 miles south of a U.S. Navy submarine base in New London, Connecticut. Today, it’s reported to be off the coast of Norfolk, Virginia. Last week, a Russian patrol plane buzzed the USS Porter, then two Russian jet fighters were followed a short time later by a third.  US officials called the fly-bys “unsafe and unprofessional.” We’ve also learned this week that Russia has recently deployed a surface-to-surface cruise missile that violates a Cold War treaty which bans intermediate range nuclear missiles in Europe. By not firmly denouncing all of these aggressive actions by the Russians, DJT is sending a message that he is weak. That we will tolerate, and not even respond with forceful commentary, to this type of aggression. Instead he calls it “Not good!” and indicates his “supporters” would prefer him to “blow it out of the water.”

Okay. Wait. Is this man so driven by popularity that he can’t even commit to condemning aggressive actions by a country which clearly interfered with our election (by his own admission during the campaign)? An enemy which continues to posture and poke at our military and intelligence community? Is he so driven by the need for approval that he hides behind the words “my supporters?” instead of personally and unequivocally denouncing the actions? Is this guy President or not? Take a stand Mr. Trump because this lack of backbone when other countries posture to test our resolve are the things which will lead to figurative, and literal, bombs if you continue to appear weak on these matters. You don’t get to pick and choose. Aggression is aggression, whether it comes from North Korea (I can’t even go there with the intelligence briefing at a country club) or Russia. These are the threats, not the NASA scientist, Harvard doctoral student, 5 year old boy put in handcuffs at Dulles.

Meanwhile, during a presser with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel on Wednesday (good Lord was it only two days ago?), Trump casually shrugged off two-state solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict and suggested that Netanyahu hold off on building in the West Bank. This is something he might have thought to mention to CIA director Mike Pompeo who met with Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas in Ramallah on Tuesday. Abbas immediately seized on Trump’s comment and demanded a complete halt to settlement building in the West Bank (which Palestinians see as meant to deny them a viable state) and said he remained committed to “the two-state solution and to international law.” The whole thing was messy and devoid of any real foreign policy position on the matter. This indifferent attitude tends to reinforce the fear that this administration is taking our country further towards US isolationism.

I said months ago on Twitter and my old FB account, that this man would cause the loss of American life in ways which would make Benghazi look like a blip in history. Yemen? He didn’t have to pull the trigger. As president he could have delayed it. I fear the Yemen raid is just the start of bad decisions which will be devastating to our military and civilians caught in the crossfire. The total lack in foreign policy and random statements like ‘We are officially putting Iran on notice” without any follow up as to how, are going to drive anti-US sentiment. Be strong, not ineffectual.

And finally, I return again to our democracy. I posted this DJT RT in 2015:

The words and actions of this administration have shown little respect for, or even knowledge of, the constitution and the checks and balances system our democracy. Stephen Miller’s words last Sunday demonstrated that verbally.  At this point I don’t have the energy to begin to go into the ways our democracy is threatened. And that, is perhaps the biggest bomb of all. Exhaustion from fighting all the shrapnel and bullets being fired our way by the lunacy which reigns at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. I worry we won’t have the energy to fight the figurative bombs this pilotless aircraft is going to drop.

Despite the politics, 2016 was a good year for us.

Reflecting on 2016

If you were my friend on Facebook (pre-reset) or follow me on Twitter, you might think 2016 was a personal catastrophe. Despite the time I spent on my political soapbox, not so quietly freaking out about the rise of DJT, and the off the rails 2016 election cycle, it was a really good year at a personal level.

We kicked off 2016 in the UK surrounded by family and friends. We travelled to St. Barthélemy for a job, a project which ended up being one of the highlights of my career. We watched our daughter graduate from high school. We spent father’s day in New Orleans with my Dad (who was nominated for his 4th Emmy in 2016). And, we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary in Washington, D.C.

We filmed 13 weddings. I photographed 46 families, 15 seniors, and three proposals. Rob sold a bunch of houses.  I have absolutely no complaints about how 2016 treated us professionally.


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Really, because of the 2016 presidential election, I’ve learned to narrow my circle, and that’s not a bad thing. Our biggest tragedy was losing Rob’s Dad, but at 90 years old, we all feel he had a good run. Rob was able to be with him when he passed, and for that we were very grateful.

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And, my Noles had a pretty good season, so that always makes me happy!

What does 2017 have in store? Hopefully, personally and professionally, another great year. Onward.

WTF? Why I “narrowed my circle.”

Last night I was confronted with another example of why I had so desperately needed to narrow my circle. Again, it’s political.

I took a little “hiatus” from Facebook after the general election and decided I really needed to narrow my circle. There were just too many people and too much noise. Facebook had become distracting, disappointing and divisive for me.

As you can see the journalist in me loves alliteration. That’s another reason I had to step back. Not because I love to bend words, but because I’ve spent the majority of my life around newsrooms. In every single one of those news operations, there was an expectation to report the news without imposing  personal opinions into a piece. This was taken seriously, right down to carefully constructing stories with thoughtfully chosen verbiage, so as not to be appearing to lean one way or another on an issue. Andrew Seaman, SPJ Ethics Committee chair recently cautioned in an article regarding the use of the term “alt-right,” that “Journalists must carefully choose their words, especially when sensitive topics are being discussed. When in doubt, journalists should always err on the side of specificity and context.” This article by Seaman is an excellent example of the expectation  (and reminder) that journalists need to be careful with the language they employ.  I truly believe the majority of our journalists in newspaper, local stations, and the major *traditional* networks still follow this dictum. The cable news networks, I concede, not so much. With the endless pundits and talking heads they employ to try and fill the 24 hour news cycle, cable news definitely blurs the lines of reporting and opinion. Regardless, journalists are my people. It’s still a big part of my identity. In the months leading up to November 8th, 2016,  was very difficult to constantly listen to people I once liked and respected, attack part of the essence of who I am. It felt personal, hearing so many “friends” harp on about the corrupt media. 1000 voices were too many. So, I killed my old Facebook, stepped away for a few weeks, and started fresh.

When I started my new account, I thought carefully about who I was going to let back into the minutiae of my life. My qualifier was, if all I had to offer was friendship (take away my photography, filmmaking, writing skills and/or my famous father), who would still be around?  I’ve found over the years, everyone in my circle might not be in my corner, and that’s been a tough life long lesson for me. The flip side has been God placing strangers in my life, who have showed me love and support can come from completely unexpected sources. I started to bring people back into my circle. Slowly and deliberately. Some of them people I’ve known my whole life, others I’ve only met briefly along the way. Many of them have wildly different political views than my own, but I have enough faith in our friendship to be myself with them, and I care enough about them to try and understand where their hearts are on topics when we (sometimes vehemently) disagree.

Last night I was confronted with another example of why I had so desperately needed to narrow my circle. Again, it’s political. Where I live in Florida, Bay County, is heavily Republican. Something which really didn’t bother me until this election because (mostly) our local government does what’s best for the community without a lot of partisanship.  That could be because the the Republican to Democrat electorate is 60/30 (with the other 10% hanging out elsewhere) and most of the people in office locally are Republican. Bay County just never struck me as dangerously nationalist, or civil liberty threatening conservative. The article below is similar to stories published all over the country by local newspapers. It’s the responses to this article which made me reel.

I understand wanting change. I understand wanting to reduce government. I understand our partisan identities get tied up in our personal identities. I understand that DJT campaign did a masterful job appealing to disenfranchised white male voters who felt the strength of their majority slipping away. What boggles my mind is that anyone could justify meddling in our electoral process by a foreign country no matter how hey voted in the general election. Moreover, that they would dismiss the conclusions of the FBI and the CIA so carelessly. Even Fox news called out DJT on his ridiculous comments regarding Russia’s interference. Do we have a bunch of unknown Russian assets (a la The American’s) here in Bay County? You’d think we do with the comments in that thread… Release those taxes Donald, prove to us you don’t have business ties to Russia.

So, to illustrate why I needed so desperately to narrow my circle… Bay County, the News Herald’s Facebook page, and Facebook trolls bring us to today’s WTF??? {sigh} Onward.